Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
