Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize