Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
