K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
