I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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