the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
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