Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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