You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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