Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
