So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
