he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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