K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
time to smoke my breakfast
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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