I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
