just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
