she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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