i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
