im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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