There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
