Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
