theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
