just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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