you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
