I feel great
I just peed on a car
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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