Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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