He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize