If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
