he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
