Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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