not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
