ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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