I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I forget how to act sober
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
