You were right. It hurts to walk today.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
