if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
