is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
