Pappa wants mamma naked
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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