Whatcha textin bout Willis?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
