I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
