my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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