my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
