Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
