Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
