Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
