i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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