The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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