He told me they were just razor bumps!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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