Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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