even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize