I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Randomize
