Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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