I think I won the penis lottery.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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