Cold hands, warm shart.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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