Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
