ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
