I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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