ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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