Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
