At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
