I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i barfeds in our rink
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
