genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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