Already got asked if we're dating
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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