I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
