I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
