oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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